


Rexidala

by jairyn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Slow Burn, Star Wars - Freeform, otp, rexidala
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 01:09:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15304092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jairyn/pseuds/jairyn
Summary: She’s a senator and he’s just a nameless clone, but when fate throws them together, they’re forced to reconcile what they want with what they have. She’s married and he’s the captain under her husband, but they have chemistry. Why does it feel like he can offer her something she’s never felt before?





	1. Soft Beginnings

Where was he? Padme paced the room. She had been ready to go for a while now. The door chimed and she raced to it, pushing Threepio out of the way ready to give him a piece of her mind.

“You’re late!” she exclaimed opening the door, “I was starting to think you’d… forgotten…” she trailed off as she realized the person outside wasn’t Anakin. A handsome young man, in a nicely tailored black suit stood there. His head was shaved but you could still make out the bleached blonde stubble. “Rex?” She asked surprised. She’d hardly even recognized him.

“Good evening, Senator,” Rex replied, bowing politely. Padme looked around him for Anakin but Rex was alone. “I regret to inform you that General Skywalker was summoned to a Council meeting.”

“Of course he was,” Padme said under her breath.

“But he didn’t want to ruin your night so he asked me to escort you in his place.” Rex said earnestly. “I know I’m not who you were expecting, but perhaps my company will be satisfactory?”

Not wanting to offend him and still a bit ticked off at her husband she smiled, “more than satisfactory. It would be an honor.” A deep smile spread across his face and he offered her his arm. She took it gracefully, closing her gloved fingers around him as they strolled casually down the hallway. 

—

Alone in their own box, Padme studied Rex’s face out of the corner of her eye. He wasn’t at all what she’d expected. Not that she’d given much thought to it. “Have you ever been to the opera before?” she asked and then instantly cringed. Of course he hadn’t, he was a soldier. Fighting for their freedom while everyone else could just forget about the war.

“I have not,” he said regretfully. “But Echo sometimes listens to it on the holoradio.” He was sitting forward as if completely entranced by the show. She smiled to herself. He was a man of culture. Anakin would be slouching, completely bored. He wouldn’t have complained, but his body language would have told a different story. She’d never really thought of the clones as individuals. She knew they painted their own armor in unique patterns, even cut and/or dyed their hair to make themselves stand out. Many had tattoos in varying places and colors. But just like any other citizen, she’d come to see them as the same, with the expectation that anywhere you go in the galaxy, any you meet would act the same way as the others. A mindless army designed only to follow orders.

But as she watched Rex’s reaction to the music and the show, there was a depth in him she’d never imagined. He was intelligent, polite; a true gentleman. There was an air of quiet confidence and it was understandable that he commanded respect wherever he went. His face had hard lines, but there lived a gentleness in his eyes and he absorbed far more of her attention than the opera itself.

When the show was over and he offered her his arm again, she took it gratefully. Insisting they take the long way back to her apartment. They talked deeply about their favorite parts of the show as they walked slowly in the night air watching the buzz of the city all around them. Underneath his quiet exterior, he was a very passionate person. His voice was deep and rich and she enjoyed listening to him. It was hard to believe that he was on the front lines of the war, fighting for his life day after day. She wondered if they ever got a chance to unwind and experience something other than fighting.

“Please come in,” she said when they arrived at her door. He looked uncomfortable for a moment so she added, “just for a drink.”

He nodded finally, “Thank you, m’lady.” And then followed her inside. After they both gave their drink orders to Threepio, she showed him the way out to the balcony. The droid tottered in with their glasses, and they sat down across from each other.

She watched him unbutton his suit jacket, loosen his collar and sit down with the small glass of whiskey, resting his elbows on his knees. Even without having had a sip yet, there was something dark and mysterious about him that made him seem irresistible in the soft light. He stared at the ice cubes in his drink as though he wasn’t sure what to do with it. The silence was comfortable though, she felt safe and relaxed with him around. He seemed like a man that would always protect his lady. He was becoming more appealing by the minute. Perhaps inviting him in hadn’t been one of her better ideas.

—

Rex stared at the drink in his hands. He felt guilty that he was enjoying himself so much. Senator Amidala was breathtakingly beautiful, but also brilliant and passionate. It wasn’t a surprise that the general was in love with her. But he’d noticed early in the evening that there was a deep sorrow she carried. He wished it was appropriate to ask. He’d observed the same thing in General Skywalker, and he’d just assumed it was because whatever the nature of their relationship, the war kept them apart. He knew better than to inquire though. The general never talked about his personal life. As it were, he’d only been asked to escort her tonight, not to get to know her.

She looked stunning in her evening attire, her chocolate brown hair pulled back with an extravagant head piece. She truly was royalty; she didn’t have to be the queen to notice it. She carried herself tall and proud. With a regality that could charm anyone she spoke to.

“I confess I don’t know much about politics,” he said to break the ice. “I only see the orders as they trickle down the chain of command. It must be fascinating to be a part of the decision-making process.”

“Oh it is,” she said waving her hand as if to swat an invisible bug and put her drink down on the table in front of her. He tried not to notice the revealed skin of her neck. “It can be frustrating too, of course.” She set one arm over the back of the chaise and draped herself gracefully across it. He took a sip of his whiskey so he had good reason to feel a little warm. “Hours spent preparing bills to help the people only to have them shot down in favor of more money to the war effort. I realize it’s not a cheap operation, but if that money were put towards more peaceful solutions, perhaps we could end the war and not be so deep in debt.” He resisted the urge to argue with her about how important the money was to those of them on the front lines. He knew she meant well. “I apologize,” she said suddenly. “That was rude. In all honestly, I don’t really know how the money keeps it moving. I only see it going to build more ships and more weapons and more death.”

“I see your point,” he said thoughtfully. “The creation of more tools of war is the unfortunate consequence. But those tools allow the Republic soldiers to fight better and give them the resources to survive. Without them, there’d be little chance of victory.” He sighed. “Diplomatic solutions would render all of those unnecessary, but only if you can be diplomatic with clankers.. And frankly, they’re not good with thinking.” He laughed softly as he pictured the battle droids.

“Well obviously, the droids are not programmed to understand. I saw that myself during the battle of Geonosis. If only it was possible to reason with the Separatists in charge of them. There must be a sympathetic ear among them! But I’m afraid the more we spend on upgrading our own weaponry, it only escalates the conflict. Then both sides are in debt, infrastructure and systems falling to ruin and nobody wins!” She picked up her drink and knocked it back. He took another sip of his own to hide his surprise. He peered at her over the rim of his glass wondering if it was politics that caused her stress or something more. He watched her reach down and fight to free her feet from the uncomfortable looking shoes she was wearing. After struggling with them for a few minutes, she tipped her head back and closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead.

“Let me help you with those,” he said, setting his drink down and coming around the table to sit on the edge of the chaise by her feet and started working on unbuckling her boots.

“Thank you,” she replied ordering her protocol droid to get her a refill. He worked carefully to get her boots undone, sliding them off gently and setting them on the ground and then he started massaging her feet. She moaned ever so softly as he worked his hands through her tired muscles. “That feels so good,” she murmured dreamily. He should probably stop now before things went way too far. But he liked the shape and feel of her feet as he rubbed little circles around them.

—

She opened her eyes when he stopped massaging her feet and looked at him. He was letting them rest across his legs, his hand resting gently on top of them. He looked conflicted and she realized that he must know something of the nature of her and Anakin’s relationship.. She pulled herself up, putting her feet back down on the floor. Perhaps they’d gotten a little too comfortable. There was a longing in his eyes, but she knew instinctively that he wouldn’t do anything inappropriate.

“I should probably get going,” he said standing up and buttoning his suit jacket again. She didn’t want him to leave. But Anakin could be back any moment, and he got jealous easily. She wondered if she’d get to see him again, outside of the war.

“Thank you for being my date tonight,” she said sweetly. Maybe too sweetly. But he smiled as if he understood.

“Of course, m’lady. It was my pleasure,” he took her hand and kissed it softly. She shivered without thinking. If she reacted like that through the fabric of her gloves, it was a good thing she hadn’t removed them. Because she might not let him leave. She stood to see him out, but he told her he could find his own way and she sat back down sighing. What was wrong with her? She was married! How had someone else charmed her so completely?


	2. Bodyguard

Padmé watched from the landing pad as her husband left on yet another indefinite mission with his padawan. She wondered how she’d ended up in such a lonely predicament. Having to watch him leave time and time again, never really knowing if she’d see him again or when he’d return. Not even being able to kiss him farewell or tell him she loved him because their relationship was a secret but their goodbyes were quite public. And certainly not being able to inquire after him because she wasn’t privy to such information about Jedi affairs.

Rex stood next to her, which she was grateful for. She’d been hoping for another opportunity to spend time with him. When she found out he wasn’t going along on this Jedi-only mission, she’d requested to have him accompany her on her own diplomatic voyage. At first, she was afraid that Anakin would be suspicious, but he’d almost seemed… relieved. As though it could assuage his guilt of leaving all the time to know that she didn’t mind the company of someone he trusted. 

He was wearing his clone armor from head to toe, which she planned to tell him to remove once they got aboard her ship. At the very least, his helmet. She didn’t like talking to a faceless mask, especially when such a fascinating person lived underneath it. He was dressed like this, because he was meant to be part of her security detail. Which had been a bit of a stretch of the truth because the one she had already was quite sufficient. Anakin hadn’t even questioned her request for more, because he was already so protective of her. She should feel lucky, but instead she felt sad. 

“Well, I suppose we should get underway.” She said turning to him as the gunship carrying her husband off to the next grand adventure disappeared out of sight. “Are you ready?”

“Of course, m'lady.” Rex said, nodding to her. Together they walked in silence to her Nubian Starship.

“Would you be a dear and inspect my quarters so I can use the refresher?” She waved Rex in the direction of them. He nodded and disappeared down the corridor. She fanned herself, this was going to be an interesting trip. 

“All clear.” He said returning. She thanked him and left to freshen up.

—

Rex watched the senator pass him by, wondering what kind of game she was playing. He didn’t mind her company in the least, in fact, he’d been quite beside himself when she requested to have him come along for her mission. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since their night at the opera. And when he found out General Skywalker and Commander Tano would be leaving without him, this was a far better assignment than being stuck at the shipyards. But what didn’t connect for him was why he’d been requested. He knew her chief of security well, he knew that he was more than capable of protecting her. It was unusual for a senator to request a clone escort, especially a captain in the grand army of the Republic. 

Which led to only one conclusion, she wanted him here. Not as a bodyguard, but as a friend. Or something else entirely. He could see the lonely way she watched the General leave. Would she really be so bold as to sneak around behind his back? And if that was her intention, he’d be flattered, but would have to refuse. No matter how appealing it might seem. 

While the senator was gone, he checked the rest of the ship and went over the itinerary and threat profile with her chief of security, Captain Typho. Who was good natured enough to not mind him being there, even if it was a little odd. Then he returned to stand outside her quarters and act on guard duty. It was at least a two-day trip to their first destination. 

About thirty minutes later, she opened the door. She’d let down her hair, and taken off the outer layers of her outfit. He wasn’t sure why he was suddenly embarrassed to see her so casual. It felt improper and he was grateful his helmet hid his face. 

“Would you come in and keep me company?” She asked. He didn’t think she meant to sound so sultry. He blushed, again thankful for the protection of the helmet.

“But I can guard you better from out here, m'lady.” He responded as professionally as he could. 

“You’ve already checked the ship, I presume. So there’s no point in you standing here like a wall decoration. Come on in.” She said, turning away from the door, leaving it ajar. He watched as her hair flew as gracefully as she moved and he started feeling heated again. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all. 

He followed her into the room against his better judgement, the door closed behind him. And just like that, they were alone again. Everyone else on the ship felt like they were lightyears away. She sat on a bench opposite her bed and patted the seat next to her. He shifted uncomfortably.

“Sit,” she said. “Remove your helmet.” He obliged, trying to keep a respectable distance between them. She sighed and leaned her head back against the wall behind her. “You can take your armor off too. I don’t think we’re in danger of ending up in a full-scale battle.”

“Perhaps not, m'lady.” He started. “But there is a war going on, and it never hurts to be prepared.”

“You’re right, how silly of me to forget. You’re reminded of that more than most.” She said conceding. He got the distinct impression that she was being sarcastic, and she was not actually giving him permission to leave it on. But since she hadn’t ordered him to take it off, he chose not to. 

—

Padmé peered at him without opening her eyes all the way. He sat there so stiffly; perfect posture, both hands on his helmet where it sat on one knee. Ever vigilant. She wondered what it would take to get him to relax. Even at the opera, he’d never completely let down his guard. He was like a spring, able to uncoil into action in a heartbeat. She wondered what it was like on the front lines. She’d been in her share of conflicts and skirmishes, but never battles day in and day out. She also had the luxury to not have to live like a soldier. There were usually people around to protect her. She noticed a scar that ran a good distance from his chin along his jaw bone and wondered what had given him that. There were probably many others hidden beneath his armor. 

Though she was happy he was here, it felt forced this time. Perhaps he felt as though she was moving too fast. Was it wrong to want to befriend him? Had she completely misread the signs? She was tired of feeling lonely and well… Rex seemed like just the person to fill her empty room. It didn’t need to be physical. She like his presence. His cool and confident demeanor made her feel as though she could stop being afraid for awhile. That maybe everything would be alright.

“Do you ever think your life isn’t turning out how you imagined it would?” She tried to break the silence that had fallen in the room. It was a stupid question to ask a clone, but apparently, she’d needed to get it off her chest.

"I know all about longing.“ He replied. She started enough to sit up, looking up to meet his rich brown eyes. She thought it had been an open ended enough question he could take it anywhere, she’d not expected him to nail exactly what was going through her mind. She wasn’t sure how to recover from that. 

"I can’t even imagine.” She breathed, feeling guilty she brought it up when the slightest expression of pain crossed his features. “Tell me, Captain, what do you long for?”

He was quiet for a long time. He looked away as though debating if it was appropriate to say. She suspected he knew exactly what it was he was longing for, he just wasn’t comfortable admitting it out loud. She was starting to regret asking, maybe she’d overstepped the boundary too quickly. But before she could say never mind, he spoke, “someone to come home to.” She couldn’t stop herself from taking his arm, but she did manage to resist the urge to stroke his face. “What about you, senator?” He asked piercing her eyes with his own deep stare. 

"I always wanted a family of my own.“ She whispered. 

—

Rex watched her eyes as it seemed like a curtain fell after her confession. They’d suddenly darkened in sorrow. But she didn’t have to say why, he understood. The person she’d chosen as a lover, could never give her that. He didn’t know everything about the Jedi, but he understood enough. He wondered if the general knew how deep she longed for that. Would he let her go so she could have that dream with someone else? Or would he keep her tethered to a dead end? 

Though he’d admitted his own desire to come home to someone, ever since he’d met that deserter who’d had his own family, he’d been finding it harder and harder to ignore the longing for something more. He was a soldier, he was meant to be expendable. Nobody in the Republic really cared what they wanted. He was proud to fight to protect them, even if they didn’t appreciate it. He’d gladly give his life for freedom. But here he sat, next to someone from a different world, realizing that maybe it didn’t matter where you came from; people all wanted the same thing. 

The General cared, even if he didn’t ask. And of course, Ahsoka did. And she DID ask. But at the end of the day, neither of them were in a position to grant him his desires, so… he just kept fighting for the day it could happen. 

He glanced down at where she’d rested her hand. Even through the armor, he could feel it there. The softest pressure held the weight of emotion. She didn’t let go, but she’d gotten a faraway look, and he didn’t feel comfortable enough to disturb her. He couldn’t stop himself from admiring her out of the corner of his eye. 

Her features were soft and delicate, she had fair skin and a light dusting of makeup. Long black eyelashes crowned her mesmerizing brown eyes. Her lips were full and round, a beautiful shade of red that contrasted perfectly with her dark hair and light skin. Did she know how beautiful she was? Surely Anakin told her every chance he got. Thinking about the General reminded him to not get too attached, and he blocked where the thoughts were going. 

She looked up at him suddenly as though she’d momentarily forgotten he was there and she needed to somehow recover from the path they’d gone down too quickly. "Surely there must be other things you long to experience?” She asked. 

She didn’t say more, but he knew what she meant. “You know, this might sound crazy, but I always thought it would be fun to go ice fishing on Hoth." 

A smile spread across her lips and then she laughed. "That sounds like quite the adventure! Perhaps a little too cold for me.”

"I imagine it’s more flash fishing than real fishing. The hole probably freezes back over pretty quick.“ He chuckled to himself imagining the ridiculous scenario.

“Well there are plenty of lakes on Naboo, full of fish. If you ever get a chance to come by, I’d gladly show you all the best spots.” She relaxed back against the wall again. 

"I’d like that.“ He said softly. 

"Tell me a story.” She whispered, closing her eyes. A story? He told stories all the time to his troops. But he wasn’t sure they were the type she’d enjoy. It definitely wouldn’t be a good idea to tell her any of the awkward situations or close calls they got into when Skywalker was leading the charge. Then he remembered one some drunkard was telling in a bar one evening and decided she might enjoy it. 

He watched her expression change as he told the story and even though she kept her eyes closed she was engaged in it. She laughed at all the right moments and that made him more dramatic in his storytelling because he enjoyed her responses. When he finished the story and silence fell again, she had a wistful expression on her face. He too, leaned back against the wall, relaxing. 

Her head found his shoulder, and it wasn’t long before he realized she’d fallen asleep. He didn’t want to wake her, but he wasn’t sure he was comfortable with the idea that someone could find them like that. He debated the best course of action for awhile and then finally decided to let her stay there for the time being. He glanced at his chronometer and knew they had about an hour before the security rounds. 

He waited about twenty minutes, loving the way she felt up against him, and then decided he’d better not risk waiting longer. He slipped his left arm around her back and his right under her legs and lifted her gently. She stirred slightly, but didn’t wake. He carried her over to the bed, balancing her on one knee as he pulled down the covers and then he laid her carefully down. He paused to remove her shoes and then tucked her in.


	3. Midnight

                He opened his eyes and glanced around the cabin without moving. Listening. He was sure he’d heard something. He reached for one of his pistols. How had something gotten aboard without him noticing? He was a light sleeper, there was little that got past him. Whatever he’d heard wasn’t in the room with him. He slowly moved the blanket and carefully got to his feet, tip-toeing to the door. He didn’t have time to put his armor back on. At least not without making too much noise. He listened at the door. He heard it again, footsteps. But not the determined footsteps of a guard making their rounds. And why would the senator be sneaking around her own ship? 

               He backed against the wall, waiting. They were coming closer. At least if they were on this end of the ship, she’d be safe. Unless of course, something had already happened to her and he’d not heard a thing. He shook his head. No… he’d have known. He wasn’t a Jedi, but nobody was going to die under his protection. Definitely not his general’s girlfriend. He tightened his grip on the gun in his hand. Whoever it was stopped outside his door. They waited a moment and then he heard them press the button.  

                As soon as the door slid open, he leapt in front of it pointing his gun at… Padmé? He cursed before he could stop himself. “What are you doing, senator?” he demanded. “I could have killed you.” 

                “I’m sorry,” she whispered. He dropped his gun and studied her face.  

                “Don’t you know not to sneak up on your bodyguards?” he said a bit harsher than he meant to.

                “Can I come in?” she breathed, looking troubled. 

                He moved out of the way, so she could enter his room and the door closed behind her. “Are you alright?” 

                “Yes.” She looked around at the room as though she’d never been in it before. Which was odd. Surely she knew her own ship. After a few minutes of silence, she turned back to him. “I’m sorry to disturb you, I imagine you don’t get to rest very often, it’s just…” Her lip trembled a little and he resisted the urge to reach to her. They weren’t close enough to do that yet. “Can I stay with you tonight?” 

                He looked at her in surprise. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he started. “I’ve checked the ship, you have nothing to be afraid of here.” 

                “I’m not scared of anything on the ship,” she said, looking down at her feet. “I’m not even scared, just…” she trailed off. “Please? I don’t want to be alone tonight.” 

                He knew he shouldn’t, but how could he deny her? Something was bothering her, and if she believed he could comfort her, well then, he wanted to. She stared at his bare chest for a moment and then looked back at his face. He nodded.  

                He leaned over and lifted the blanket, so she could crawl in. Since he’d left her earlier, she’d changed into a nightgown. It covered her but was slinky and did nothing to hide her curves. She’d brushed her hair until it was soft and shiny. Once she was under the covers, he picked up his pistol and set it back on the side table. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed.  

                “You don’t need to stay awake on my account,” Padmé said after a moment, when he made no move to climb in with her. “I’m sure you need your rest too.” 

                “But…” He chewed on his cheek.  

                “Look captain, I realize how highly irregular this is, but would you stop thinking about it for a few minutes and hold me? Just for tonight?”

                All resistance faded, and she held up the blanket for him to crawl in too. He prayed to whatever gods existed out there that General Skywalker would never find out about this. Even strong independent women like the senator needed comforting sometimes. Was that so bad? It’s not like they were going to do anything other than sleep. Besides, the way she’d said she didn’t want to be alone tonight had sunk right beneath his skin and wormed its way into his heart. 

                He wrapped his arms around her protectively when she scooted into him. He wondered what it must be like to have someone you loved constantly running off to battle. Never knowing if you’d see them again, never knowing if they’re alright. Or even the dangers they’re in. And considering the general’s somewhat reckless nature, surely it was even worse to see him leave every time. 

                She buried her face in his neck and he stroked her soft hair. It smelled like sweet lotus blossoms in the warm sun. Everything about her was hypnotizing. He was certain he’d never forget the smell. Or the way her perfectly smooth skin felt under his rough, calloused hands. The way she seemed both delicate and ridiculously strong. She’d once been a queen, he knew that. You had to be strong to be the leader of an entire planet. 

                He’d heard her speak a few times on the holonews. She had incredible charisma, sucking you into every ideal she represented. She was persuasive because she believed in everything she spoke. She was intelligent, even if she was somewhat naïve about certain issues. She was an all-around kind-hearted soul with a spark of fire. She meant well in every situation, though she didn’t always know how best to help those she wanted to. He couldn’t fault her for it though, who really knew how best to help the needy? At least she tried to, which was a far cry better than the things he’d witnessed on the battlefield. 

                “You smell good,” she whispered after awhile. “Like clean linen and a morning forest.”

                “Thank you, Senator,” he replied, unsure how to respond to that. 

                “I smell a little polish too, it’s tar-like, but rugged.”

                “You seem to have a very acute sense of smell,” he said in admiration.

                “When I was a girl, I spent my summers in the lake country. We liked to go hiking and explore the forests or lay out on the beaches and feel the warm sun on our skin,” she murmured sleepily. “You remind me of that.”

                “That sounds heavenly,” he said softly, trying to imagine something like it. He’d known forests only in battle. Never did they explore for fun, nor was it ever safe to lay out in the open without a care in the world. The only things he’d ever smelled out there in the wild was blaster fire and putrid death. Every sense of his was polluted by violence and battle. He took a deep breath inhaling her distinctive smell and committing it to memory. This was the one thing he could hold onto that wasn’t wrapped in suffering and loss. And as far as he was concerned, it was suddenly the best smell in the world. 

                She turned her head slightly, so she could nuzzle in further and he tightened his arms around her. “Thank you, Captain,” she breathed. “I think I’ll sleep well tonight.” Her words faded into a soft and surprisingly dainty snore. At least dainty in comparison to the men exhausted from battle. 

                It wasn’t his place to question people about their personal lives, but he was suddenly so curious about her relationship with the general. Didn’t he hold her like this? Didn’t she feel safe in his arms? Did they not sleep together at night? Why would she seek comfort elsewhere? She was lonely, he understood that much, but was she lonely because he was gone a lot or just as lonely with him there?

                He knew the general missed her dearly during long tours of duty. He never said the words aloud of course, and he didn’t need to read minds like the Jedi to know it. It lived in his eyes, the longing. The way he’d light up whenever they were headed back to Coruscant. The way he’d make tired excuses to his padawan to escape her curious questions and disappear for long spells of time. He never asked, because he didn’t need to. 

                But out there, General Skywalker was surrounded by people. Ahsoka, who whether he’d admit it or not, had become a very good friend and they spent most of their time together training or talking. General Kenobi, who always seemed to hover near him at all times like a father might protect a wayward child. He and the rest of the clones were always around. Whereas Padmé, though popular and well-liked, spent all day with the people only to come home to handmaidens and security staff. And though she seemed to highly respect them, she hardly seemed close to any of them. It must be a very lonely life. One sorely lacking in the comradery of shared adventures and experiences. Or nightly gatherings unwinding full of stories and mirth. Or rambunctious mess halls and busy dorms. Come to think of it, it wasn’t surprising in the least that she was lonely. He doubted very highly that the general shared those types of stories with her. Likely he’d temper his enthusiasm and throw his focus on her to escape the torment of the war and his responsibilities for a time.

                Listening to her breathing next to him, soothed his own weary soul and he eventually relaxed into the comfortable feeling of her in his arms, even if he did still have doubts about what they were doing. He’d have to worry about it in the morning, he supposed. 

  
\---

 

                She woke to her alarm at 6:15 the next morning and carefully crawled over him and out of bed. She snuck out of the room, letting him sleep because he clearly needed it. 

                She didn’t want to think about what had possessed her to seek something like that from a man she hardly knew. Nor did she want to wonder what it said about her marriage. Thinking about Anakin, however, sent a pang of guilt rippling through her. Suddenly she felt so much worse. In the heat of the moment, she’d given into the need to not feel so lonely, but now she very likely complicated her relationship with the captain, and possibly, his with his general. 

                She berated herself as she climbed into the shower to get ready for the day. The water made her mind drift back to the warmth she’d felt in his arms. The way he’d held her as though his presence alone could ward off any danger. She could very nearly believe that, she’d felt so safe in them. Even if it was highly inappropriate, everything about it had felt so right. 

                She squeezed her eyes shut, letting the water wash away her tears. She loved Anakin, she really did. She wouldn’t have married him if she hadn’t... but... he was gone so much, for such long periods of time. Often she’d get random snippets of information about his whereabouts or the dangers he was in from the Chancellor. And though she gratefully appreciated any news that he was alive, it only made it that much harder to sit around and wait for him to come back. 

                That was why she threw herself into her work. Often even when he’d returned from the war, they only got fleeting moments together. There was never much time for talking, since they both fell into different needs. For him it was a way to escape the mental taxation of the war. For her, it was a desperate need to no longer feel alone. She thrived on the reassurance of his love and the careful way he worshipped her through his touch. But once spent, he’d often pass out, filling none of the other needs she had. Like the one she’d given into last night; the need to feel safe and secure. The assurance they’d survive another day. 

                She didn’t want to say that Rex had provided that far better than Anakin ever had. It wasn’t his fault, it was the war. All she wanted when he was home was to help him forget about it, if only briefly. To ease his pain as best she could. She could only hope it was enough.

                But whether she liked it or not, her night with Rex had illuminated something she was sorely missing. If she asked Anakin to come home, would he stay with her? She knew how badly the Republic needed him, she knew his value leading the war... but she needed him too. Could she tell him that? Would he understand?

                They’d agreed when they’d started their relationship that their duty to the Republic came first. Always. It wasn’t in her nature to be that selfish. She didn’t want to compare them. She didn’t even want to think about it anymore. From the moment Anakin had expressed his love for her, she’d never considered other options. Nor had she given any thought to what a good relationship should look like.

                She shook her head in frustration and turned off the water. She couldn’t do this; sowing seeds of doubt in her brain. She was lonely, and she was foolish, it was as simple as that. Last night hadn’t meant anything at all. She toweled herself off and pulled on her undergarments.

                Teckla knocked on her door at precisely 6:45, always on time, like clockwork. In usual silence, she got her ready for the day.


End file.
